she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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