i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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