He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
