the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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