Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
