I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
