Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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