Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
