He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Randomize
