I cockslap morals
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
