Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
