I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
