I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
