you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
