see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
