its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize