Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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