your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize