DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
