Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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