i think i have herpe
just one?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
