Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
