I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
