Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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