I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I AM VODKA MAN
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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