I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
