He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
vagina is talking i cant
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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