it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
