i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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