she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
