And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
