i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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