so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
