we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
