I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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