I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
