nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
