i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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