When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
