I'm lost and stupid without you.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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