well I can't set my house on fire every night
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Send help, water and tortillas.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
