I wish life had little blips of pornography
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
