Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
