hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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