my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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