i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
