I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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