my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
