i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
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Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
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blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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