Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
