i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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