I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize