sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
