I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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