one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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