he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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