i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
