the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
