3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
