Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
