My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
