I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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