ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
