I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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