Don't make out with my wife yet
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
