Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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