You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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