You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
