i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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