I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
