i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
